Your Inner Mean Girl is a Liar
Ok full disclosure here... It has taken me awhile to write this post, but I have wanted to for a long, long time. I just wanted to make sure I am writing this from a place of sincerity and not straight out my (insert word that rhymes with sassafras).
This is a hard topic for me, and something I struggle with every day on top of my depression and paralyzing anxiety (yay me). I am my worst critic. And it’s not just that I am hard on myself when I mess up. I am literally the meanest girl I know, but only to myself. The things I say to myself I would never, ever say to someone I love. I wouldn’t even say those things to someone I dislike.
“WHY did you say that?!”
“Who do you think you are? You can’t do this.”
“You can’t even compete with her, she is so far above you.”
“You’ll never be able to accomplish that.”
“You’re not smart enough.”
“You definitely wouldn’t look good in that.”
Any of those sound familiar? I hope not. Because you deserve to treat yourself better.
Over the last few weeks I’ve spent a lot of time reflecting and trying to figure out how to conquer my inner mean girl. She is starting to really hurt my personal life. I started dating an amazing, seriously good-looking, smart, funny man and this inner mean girl has been telling me I’m not good enough, attractive enough, (or enough of anything) for him. I have a few great opportunities at my door and right on schedule, inner mean girl shows up yelling, “Are you kidding me? You are so not qualified for this. Just give up now and go back to doing what you are comfortable doing.”
What?! This isn't me. This is not Katie. Katie is confident and doesn't take BS from anyone. So, why am I taking it from my inner mean girl?
The thing with negative self-talk and this inner mean girl is, she isn’t real. She is just internalized negative feelings about myself that are. not. true.
The subconscious mind is annoyingly good at not distinguishing between true and false. It simply takes what it thinks is true – fear and doubt – and twists it into “truth” in our heads. It makes it FEEL real.
SO, how do we stop this?
Let’s start at the beginning. When you wake up in the morning and your first thought is “OMG I already need a nap and like 17 shots of espresso to get through this day without shaving my own head and/or impulsively buying the entire Nate Berkus aisle at Target” then we need to fix it right then and there before it really snowballs out of control because that sounds expensive. You’ve already taken an otherwise promising day and turned it into a mess, and not the cute messy bun kind of mess.
Let’s try to replace these negative thoughts, starting first thing in the morning, with positive thoughts. Look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you are smart, you are beautiful, and you are capable of handling whatever this day throws. It may feel silly at first but after time it will become a good habit and you will start to notice a difference.
After you've mastered the morning confidence booster, try to replace any negative self-talk throughout the day with a compliment.
The power of thoughts and beliefs is immense. Make an effort to be present in your thoughts. Take charge and ownership of them. Don’t let that inner mean girl steal your day (or week, months, years...) Do not give power to this bad habit of talking down to yourself. Practicing positive self-talk will bring you closer to inner-peace and self-love.
And in the end if you want to buy a few things from Target, go ahead. They are killing it lately. Just don’t buy the whole aisle because I probably want some too.
Keeping it real,